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WU DUH FUH. This article needs to be written in almost proper English! Please fix or scan this for spelling, (extreme)grammar errors, capitalization errors, or evil monkeys.Edit pl0x?
The following is based of not so exactly true, yet interesting and entertainingly stupid tale we made up with our imaginations. We're bored.
Chapter Juan: The Advent of Mr. ManEdit
Mr. Man was an average...man.... And then the gods decided he was boring. So the gods came down to earth one day.
Mr. Man was sleeping in his house, and then The Writer busted down the door and shouted, "ALL YOUR FACE ARE B'LONG TO US!" and smited him. Suddenly Mr. Man became very stupid, but epicly powerful. He gained a +3 Sword of Bravery and a Justice Cape! But The Writer didn't like the cape, so he burned it. Along with the rest of the house. (S) The Writer was soon distracted by multiple shiny objects and vanished in the pecilular way that he does. This left Mr. Man alone in the burnt out husk of the house he had borrowed from Dr. Noman, dazed and confused. (RD)His +3 Sword of Bravery inspired him to go out on an epic adventure. But due to his less-than-incredible I.Q. level, he could not comprehend exactly what a good adventure is. So he chose to bravely and epicly go to the dentist's office.(K) And on this Epic Quest (TM) to the office he encountered his very first enemy:
THE LOCKED DOOR!
Silently he contemplates his first action. (RD) However, the Locked Door was impatient, so it shot laser beams out of its eyes (which it didn't have). Mr. Man imaginarily dodged the laser beam with fancy dancing moves as people watched him. The people said to themselves, "That guy is a fidding idiot." The Locked Door then became tired of Mr. Man, so it casted haste on his own brain to make things seem like they were moving faster than they were. The door was floating in mid air flipping.
Mr. Man stared into the sky wondering what the hell is going on. Unfortunately, due to his lack of intelligence points, he could not comprehend any of it, though he knew something was evil about the Locked Door. So he picked up a pigeon and threw at the door. The door exploded into confetti and he gained 200 experience points. Fanfare began to play! .....
....But it sounded like elevator music, so Mr. Man went almost deaf began to foam out of his eyes. So he was left, foaming all over the dentist's office's door. The dentist, Dr. Imanoobman, stepped out of his office and said, "THIS IS A DENTAL EMERGENCY!" (S) Imanoobman (or, as his friends call him, Noobmen) proceded to eat a slice of moldy cheese, causing his eyes to water, his nose to melt, and his ears to sing showtunes badly. The resulting universal implosion caused the universe to explode.
Noobmen then bashed Kerfoidersnoyder with a hammer for writing while barely awake.
Mr. Man continued to foam from the eyes. Dr. Imanoobman used his mastery of the dental arts and cast a spell. Unfortunately, it appeared an unexpected circumstance got in the way: he was not actually a doctor. Threrefore his spell was inneffective and instead of helping Mr. Man, it caused him to also foam from the ears and fingertips. Meanwhile, Dr. Imanoobman's ears continued to sing showtunes. Did I mention they sing badly? (K)
Several times. Deciding to do the safest and most sequiter thing he could think of, the dentist punctured his entire supply of laughing/knockout gas flooding the place with laughy/sleepy gas. Laughter and sleep elementals soon followed...then got bored and left. Our hero is left laughing in his sleep on the floor. (RD)
Dreaming, Mr. Man saw visions of his stupid past. His past was so hilarious, The Writer could not explain it without bursting into laughter mid-word. Mr. Man was laughing so hard in his sleep, that he rolled out into the street. A car came his way rapidly, but he rolled under it in time (unconsciously, of course). Now he was laying in the middle of the road in front of the dentist's office. Mr. Man began to dream about laying on the road, and then getting hit by a truck and traveling all the way to Ontario on the front of the truck. He then opened his eyes and realized he was on his way to Ontario.....on the front of a giant truck. So he went back to sleep.
Several days later, he woke up on top a giant building in Ontario, Canada. He felt foreign. A helicopter flew by and shouted out to him.
"Hey you! You with the hair!" Mr. Man turned around and looked at the helicopter.
"Who has hair?" He said. Mr. Man happened to be bald. The helicopter face palmed (imaginarily) and told him to get off. He then said "No problem," fumbled his hands and said "Didn't work." It shot missiles at him, but Mr. Man avoided this by jumping off the building. Everything went black.
He woke up on top of the the Statue of Liberty. "Why am I still in Canada?" He said. He didn't know the Statue of Liberty was in New York. Or was it? He turned around and saw the Canadian flag. Confused, he walked off the top of the crown and fell to his death. He hit the ground and took 200,000,000 damage and shattered to pieces.
The Writer was not amused. He came down from the heavens and revived Mr. Man, but took 2.3 million gold from Mr. Man as payment. Mr. Man's credit score was reduced by 801 points. He opened his eyes and realized he was alive! Then he proceeded to sing Still Alive. The Writer hated his singing so he shut him up right after and kicked him back to the city. His kick was a tad overpowered and sent Mr. Man flying around the globe to Japan.
After 52 and a half hours of flying, Mr. Man landed in a Zen Garden in Tokyo....on top of a roof. He checked his status and saw he had only 1 HP left. Anything could kill him (again) if he wasn't careful. He needed to search for a recovery item. He pulled the rocks out of his face and ran into the door on the rooftop in front of him (that appeared magically). Mr. Man looked to his left after entering and saw he was on the 920th floor of the building. Quickly, he ran down the stairs and found a med-pack on the 915th floor. He used the med-pack and recovered 300 hp. Now he had 301 out of 2000 HP. He felt a bit relieved and began to run down the stairs again. Thoughts of the joy of flying mysteriously began to fill his mind as he rushed down the steps, floor by floor. Suddenly he tripped over his thoughts and flew down the stairs at 30 floors per second while tumbling on the steps and walls. He flew out the front door at 201583.14195 miles per second, cutting down thousands of buildings as he flew threw them. Luckily, he landed in a lake and stopped his pain.
Mr. Man stepped out of the lake and dried his clothes. He opened his status menu and saw he had -1 HP. He was shocked. How could he still be alive if he had -1 HP? So he asked a girl near by if he could have her Healing Ice-cream. She gave it to him and he recovered 200 hp....but died. The Writer face-palmed and said "You're in zombie status, you dimwatt!" So for one last time, he destroyed Mr. Man's credit score and revived him. This time with full HP. Mr. Man was thankful, but hungry. His stamina was low so he went off to the Shibuya shopping district to look for food items. (S)
Chapter Chew: The Event of Mr. ManEdit
Mr. Man left the Shibuya shoopping district carrying bags. How many bags? Well ask the angry Sayian who just landed. Did he answer? Of course he did, but it doesn't matter.
Anyway Mr. Man ate an entire bag of various food-related objects he had bought. Mr. Man gained a bajillion healths... but they all ran away. Chasing after them Mr. Man fell in a conviently placed man-hole.
- Angry feminist appears and yells about sexual equality*
Ok fine. He fell in a person-hole. Happy? No? Good. *Banishes feminist* (RD)
Suddenly Mr. Man realized that he was wasting time! The time he was wasting was not certain, but he was wasting time. He ran through the sewers as fast as he could going to point B. He reached point B in 4 seconds, then sighed in relief. He looked up and noticed a sign, it said "You have 3 minutes to go to point C." Mr. Man panicked and ran to point C in the sewers as fast as he could. He jumped over crocodiles and swung on grass (?) vines. He crawled through an underground marsh and reached point C. As he jumped into the air for joy, fanfare music played in the background! But then he saw a sign that said "Run to point A pl0x."
For 20 hours, Mr. Man ran around in circles. (S) Whilist in Russia circles ran around Mr. Man. But that has no relevance here. Mr. Man soon recovered his strength thanks to the power of a big hearty bowl of PLOT WHOLES(TM) and realized that the sewers were stupid and also dumb and that he should get out of them went in search of an exit. (RD)
He proceeded to a nearby ladder and climbed as fast as he could. About 5 hours later, he realized that he was on the 3rd rung of he ladder. It appears that his top speed was 1 rung per day. He gave up and started walking again, but slipped on a random banana peel. He was sent flying up the ladder bouncing off the walls! Mr. Man had finally left the sewers and moved on to find out where he should go next. Thinking like a navigator, he looked to the stars and decided to head north. He saw what appeared to be a bright star in the sky and followed it. The star didn't seem to get any closer, but before realizing it happened to be a plane, Mr. Man ran into a car. Yes, he ran into a car, not the other way around. The care was totaled like calculating taxes.
Mr. Man was dumbfounded, as he could not figure out where to go...that is, until a girl approached him. He was in an alley way and the cutely dressed anthro fox girl walked up to him. "Konnichiwa, gaijin desuka?" Mr. Man realized the language barrier was tall and he was unable to pass through. So he decided to pull out his Stone of Rosetta-ing and made a door on the language barrier. The girl tilted her head, she had no idea what the hell just happened. Luckily, Mr. Man was able to understand the girl finally. She then said, "Are you crazy? Because I love crazy." The girl giggled menacingly but then made a sweet smile. Mr. Man thought to himself, "who....the..." After standing in the same spot for 3 hour staring back and forth at the girl, Mr. Man had realized that he earned the title of "General Time Waster." The girl finally decided not to continue wasting pointless hours and began to speak.
"My name is Suzumi, nice to meet you. I heard you were on a quest and decided to bother you during it." She proceeded to bother Mr. Man repeatingly, but he didn't mind. He gained a party member finally and was proud of himself! Suzumi guided Mr. Man to a subway station that went to....America? Cautiously, Mr. Man boarded the subway with Suzumi and sat down...it was going to be a long ride. (S)
And Mr. Man was right, it was a long ride. On that long ride a number of events occured, but none of them were particularly important to the story. But that's okay, because most of the events described so far were not very related anyway. So yeah. Mr. Man and Suzumi saw a number of people who looked at them strangely. The strangest of all was a man in a business suit with a black hat on. Mr. Man asked him who he was, and he called himself Businessman. Then he took off his hat and they saw that he was
Sephiroth a troll. The troll gave Suzumi a creepy smile, and Suzumi didn't like it so she kicked him in the teeth for much damage! The troll wasn't happy anymore. He glared at her and said 'stimulate my genitals orally, and fornicate with your fellow anthropomorphic animals in Inferno!' Suzumi replied and said 'Did you have a specific order in mind?' before kicking him in the teeth again, thus defeasting (not defeating, defeasting) Sephiroth the annoying troll in a suit. (K)
Suzumi proceeded back to her seat and sat back down next to Mr. Man. Mr. Man was looking out the window like there was something so interesting. As a result, Suzumi did so as well and looked out the windo. She noticed that there were squids flying in the tunnel! Suzumi stared in wonder for about 12 MINUTES, then looked back at Mr. Man. She snuggled closely with him, but Mr. man was an ignorant dimwatt, so he didn't notice.
About 67.98783455 hours later, they arrived in the USA and were both very tired. Mr. Man looked to his left and saw a sign that said, "Look right if you wanna look like an idiot." So he looked left and saw a sign that said, "Look left if you wanna look like an idiot." He flailed his head back and forth until Suzumi grabbed him by his head and shook him. Mr. Man snapped out of it, finally. They both began to walk up the down escalator and made it to the surface.
Oddly, it appeared that they were in Alaska. How that works out, The Writer can't exactly explain. Green snow began to fall on them and they looked into the sky in awe. Mr. Man joyously opened his mouth and stuck out his tounge to catch some. He realized the snow tasted...wrong No wait, this wasn't snow...what was it? Mr. Man realized the "snow" was coming from the North, so he ran north and noticed a Green Giant scratching his horrible dandruff. Mr. Man said, "Delicious.", and then facepalmed. Suzumi turned around and gagged excessively.
The Green Giant began to speak to them. "You of low intelligence! I challange you to a battle!" Mr. Man screamed like a little girl and Suzumi hid behind him. "....of wits!" The giant added. Mr. Man let out a sign of relief, but right after, the giant said "DURING WHICH, I will attempt to stomp on your face." Mr. Man screamed and ran for the hills....which were 896 miles away...(S)
Chapter Tea: The Idivent of Mr. ManEdit
Mr. Man finally stops running some 900 miles away. He noticed that he is in fact in the hills, but that the giant followed him. Noticing however that the giant is the JOLLY GREEN GIANT, Mr. Man eats him.
Mr. Man gains:
+1 google health
+Loose Bowel Syndrome
+The need to poop very badly
Spying an outhouse in the distance he rushes towards it. (RD) Suzumi closed her eyes tight, as she was dragged along with him and she held desperately onto his feet. Mr. Man jumped into the outhouse and dropped his pants so he could sit down. The out house was stinky, and then Suzumi opened her eyes to HORRORRRRRRRRR. She screamed at a defeaning volume and Mr. Man was minus one hearing skill point. He kicked her out of the outhouse and sat on the hole.
Suzumi sat in front of the outhouse, trying to bleach her mind. She shook her head repeatedly for about 5 seconds, until Mr. Man stepped out of the outhouse (see what I did there? HURRR). She asked him, "whoa...why are you out so fast?"
Mr. Man replied, "Mr. Jolly Green Giant made my system clean as a whistle. Suzumi looked over and notice an entire friggen' tree sticking out of the outhouse. She turned around and barfed. (S) Unfortunately she rolled a one and missed, so it all came out of her ears. Mr Man asked her how she did that and she threw a boot at his head. All of a sudden, the tree exploded for no real reason!
Then they all walked away. The two people found a strange, seemingly empty house so they decided to
sleep have sex for the night, even though it was broad daylight. The audience questioned their logic but decided to go along with it. (K [of course >_>])
AT NIGHT... was when Mr. Man woke up. However he realized the house he slept in was on a drifting island. He looked around and saw that there was nothing but a single palm tree in the middle of the island. But Mr. Man was not worried. He magically took a flag out of his pocket and stuck it in the ground. He claimed it the Isle of Man......but the name was copyrighted by another Isle of Man which was not made by Mr. Man, so lightning struck his flag and his head.
Twirling around in circles, Mr. Man was disoriented, but felt recharged and ready to fight. Suzumi walked out of the house wondering what the hell the noise was. She noticed Mr. Man was recharged and ready to fight, so she stuck a spare magnet she had bought from a store to him and he turned 30 different colors before bursting into colorful flames. Mr. Man was confused again so he fell over. Suzumi panicked because she noticed a giant iceberg floating towards their island. (S)
Suzumi ran to Mr. Man's rather unintelligent side and tried to wake him up. She tried shaking him, but it didn't work. She tried slapping his face, but fumbled and slapped her own instead. Then she grabbed a convenient bucket, filled it with water and poured it on him. But not on his face; she poured the seawater on his hand. This caused him to wet himself.
The palm tree watched in silence.
Then Suzumi ran inside, grabbed the bed, and put him on it. She tied his hands to the bedposts, then she bashed him over the head with the previously mentioned bucket. Finally he awoke, and noticed the giant iceberg slowly drifting towards the Not Isle of Man, so he screamed and said 'it's gonna hit the island! if it hits we'll sink and drown and stuff!!' obviously, he was not very intelligent. He decided he was the party leader, so he pointed at the iceberg and ordered Suzumi to "CILLIT BANG!!'
She did not know what to do. So she fired her anthro ray at the iceberg, causing it to grow a thick layer of green (?) fur. Mr. Man thought this was pointless. But he was wrong. The fur got wet, and the extra weight made it so the iceberg was too heavy to float, adn it sank before hitting the small island.
The Palm tree continued to observe them in silence,(K) but Mr. Man was not amused and kicked the palm tree at the sinking iceberg. As a result, the iceberg burst into millions of shards and the shrapnel rained over the island, causing the island to start to sink. Mr. Man screamed like a leeeeeeeeeeeetle girl and tried to climb onto the top of the house, which Suzumi easily jumped onto. Mr. Man's intelligence was not high enough to contemplate what to do next before sinking. In fact, he thought contemplate was a type of fancy plate.
In a stroke of luck, Mr. Man was whisked away to a faraway land with Suzumi, and landed on what appeared to be a much larger island, this time it had a jungle in the center. He declared it his own country and called it America. However that name was copyrighted too so he called it the BIGGER Isle of man. Suzumi criticized his lack of originality, but he didn't care anyways. They wandered into the jungle and slowly progressed past the trees. He looked up and saw nothing but the tops of the trees, and then a spider landed on his face. He went into a rage and started mowing down all the trees using only his bare hands. Suzumi was shocked, but had no choice but to follow him.
As Suzumi chased after Mr. Man, She caught snakes in her mouth and spat them out before she could be bitten by them. She looked up and notice the jungle was gradually getting less and less dense before suddenly finding her self of the edge of the water fall. Mr. Man was falling, tied to a tree somehow and Suzumi desperately tried to grab onto the tree he was falling on, and before the announcer could say "LOST THE GAME", they hit the bottom of the waterfall. (S)
Chapter Fore: The Advertisement of Mr. ManEdit
When they woke up, they were in a hotpitel, which is like a hospital and a hotel combined. It makes sense, if you don't think about it. Mr. Man woke up first, but all he could see was into forever, so he spazzed out! His spazzing also woke up Suzumi, and she spazzed as well because she got woken up in the middle of a pretty cool dream that didn't afraid of anything [sic]. Then an evil monkey came out of the closet and attacked them! Suzumi was so freaked out she had a heart attack!
"HNNNNG" She yelled, and the evil monkey shoved a Wii U controller up his nose, so he yelled as well, but it sounded very nasally. Unfortunately, Suzumi was having a heart attack so she didn't notice. Meanwhile, a familiar palm tree continued to observe the madness in silence, untill Mr. Man knocked it over. Slain, the palm tree dropped 2 raw fish, which Suzumi and Mr. Man accidentally consumed, healing them both. (K)
The monkey that came out of the closet was revealed to be BISEXUAL. So it pulled down both Mr. Man and Suzumi's pants down and went "HURRHURRHURRHURRR...."
Suzumi screamed because her bunny pattern panties were showing and flashing red and white. The whole room lit up as a result and Mr. Man and the monkey both stared in awe. Suzumi was not amused, and kicked the monkey out of the window. The monkey crashed into it and easily shattered the glass, then it fell a long distance. Suzumi could tell because there was no thud after it flew out; that and theres a sign over the window that says "FAR UP, DUDE." Mr. Man still stared in awe, so he was kicked in the face (although for a second, he took a moment to look as he was kicked and a mental sign went off in his head that said "NICE ANGLE").
After recovering he pants and putting Mr. Man's pants back on him, Suzumi asked, "Well, where the fid are we?" Mr. Man sighed and proceeded to look through the door. Literally. He popped his head through the door and saw into the hallway. For some odd reason, all the rooms besides the one they were in were made of almost completely transparent glass. Unfortunately for him, no one seemed to be using any of the rooms.
A nurse with a rather attractive body walked by and then stopped, turning around to see Mr. Man. Mr. Man looked up to see that she was actually missing a face. He passed out, as a result. Suzumi pulled his head out of the door and screamed, "FUBLARH!!!" trying to wake him up. She then remembered that she had a reviver in her back pocket for emergencies. Instead of opening it and using it, she smashed it into his face hoping it would work either way. Surprisingly, it did.
Mr. Man didn't like the nurse's face (or lack thereof), so he pulled out his +3 Sword of Bravery and engaged in battle. Life bars displaying HP came out of nowhere and smacked Suzumi in the side of the head, and then random battle music started playing.
The first thing Mr. Man did was to asses the situation. He calculated that the square root of a tomato is not a pie, since pies are grown on tires. The sheer stupidity of this calculation dealt critical damage, 9001 points, in fact. The nurse was sent flying into the walls, which shattered. Glass flew everywhere and one piece of glass bounced off the wall and richocheted into Mr. Man's buttocks. (S)